The Marines will kill everyone inside and then set up headquarters. Pre-flight briefing from Canadian Air Force Pilot If you hear me yell Eject, Eject, Eject, the last two will be echoes. "Throw out more!" shouts the pilot. The hotshot said over the air, "Anything you can do, I can do better". 65. Turn it off and watch the pilot start sweating. Pointing to the Airborne wings on my Army uniform, I explained, The last time someone gave me wings, I had to jump out of the airplane.. 4th of July 2022: Celebrating the Birth of Our Nation & Its Heroes, Military Appreciation Month 2022: Saluting Those Who Serve, Veterans Day 2022: Celebrating Those Whove Served. Related read: 11 of the Best Veteran Memes That Perfectly Sum Up Veteran Humor. Oh, youre a troop who survived pepper spray AND mustard gas? Sometime later, when the examination was over, he was helped out of the machine by a far older woman. Youre standing in it, sir, said the sergeant. Reluctantly, he showed it to me. Aviation JOKES. Its where we park the helicopters.. What happened Sergeant? Why Do We Celebrate It? We were an Air Force family, but our son could not grasp that fact. What do you call someone who joined the military out of spite? Just Some Insults Learned In the Air Force 'Bot' Tries To Write An Airline Safety Video. You might be a Coastie if you forget how to color coordinate normal civilian clothes after weeks of wearing only blue. He thought he would be home about 13:30. The Best Short Military Jokes 1. and his platoon of recruits were marching, their sergeant slipped and tumbled down a ravine. We are currently looking for former Marines to join the team who are interested in writing about tactical gear, survival gear, hiking supplies, etc. 2. 2) American combat dolphins, deployed in the Persian Gulf, surrounded and captured an Iranian battleship. After my niece returned from her second tour in Iraq, I remarked how beautiful her complexion looked. 14 Funniest Military Jokes Ever (2022 Edition), How to Unregister a Gun in your Name? Corporal Wabo is a former Infantry Squad Leader with 3rd Bn 4th Marines that specialized in Mortars. 3) The pen used by the military meets 16 pages of military specs. An officer asked if I knew what it meant. So I quit ordering it.. When I lost my rifle, the Army charged me $85. Fighter Training Manual You know your landing gear is UP and LOCKED when it takes full power to taxi to your parking spot. There are optimists and pessimists in aviation. Reliable sources report that mountains have been known to hide out in clouds. As an Amazon Associate, I earn a commission from qualifying purchases at no extra cost to you. What Do You Call a Soldier Who Survived Mustard Gas and Pepper Spray? But if you say one word, it's fifty quid". What do you call a Marine that has an IQ of 160? Speed is life. Anecdotes 1. Had a new guy conduct a boom test on a howitzer by yelling Boom! down the tube in order to calibrate it Both have been racing sled dogs for decades. Tell these quips to a friend in the service to give them a good chuckle. Aviation Jokes: A military cargo pla Why arent there any insects in an Army base? On landing, the Stewardess said, Please be sure to take all of your belongings. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool. What would you do if you came upon an injured man with a steering wheel embedded in his chest? Nervous and unsure, I blurted out, Drive him to the hospital? For some reason, the rest of the room found this hilarious. From the pilot during his welcome message: We are pleased to announce that we have some of the best Flight Attendants in the aviation industry. Ask the Marines to secure a building and they will charge in, kill everybody inside, and then set up defenses to make sure nobody gets in. Theyre U.S. AF! Filed Under: Lifestyle, Veteran Life Tagged With: funny, humor, jokes, military jokes. Of course, he responded. Then the sergeant announced that everyone would get a three-day pass except me. ! 14. My friend, an Air Force officer, was riding his scooter when he passed an airman who didnt salute. Anyone wanting to take pictures on our bases airfield needs a letter from public affairs, which happens to be me. ", "Sir" she calmly answered, "if I'd had any of those items, I would have used them by now". I will take the both of you for a ride. Emergency Checklist Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to a person on the ground incapable of understanding or doing anything about it. He had noticed that, for the umpteenth time, a recruit kept going to his right on a left command. Unfortunately for him, our lecturer caught him. Two PFCs are walking down the street and one of them says, Oh look, a dead bird. The other PFC looks at the sky and says, Where? WARNING: Tons of dad jokes lie ahead. They all originally set out to become Marines. We are directly under the moon.. Feel free to move about as you wish, but please stay inside the plane till we landit's a bit cold outside, and if you walk on the wings it affects the flight pattern". A tank ran over a bag of popcorn and apparently, two kernels were killed! Want more amazing military jokes? It was our first day on the rifle range at Lackland Air Force Base. So he yells to the soldiers in back to throw things out to make the plane lighter. However, the mood was brightened when he received a birthday cake from his sister. I was the tallest guy in line. The other replied, Not me! I would stay behind and neatly print each soldiers name onto his Army-issued underwear. While waiting every one will come by multiple times except yours, 62. What do you call a military officer who goes to the bathroom a lot? It was World War IIthe frontand we were on high alert. The danger of incident is no jokein 1985, a Japanese 747 airliner lost its tail midflight and plummeted into a mountain, killing 520 in the deadliest aircraft accident involving just one plane . You might be in the Coast Guard if you claim to have every woman in the port, yet youre at an ashore unit. This happened several times times throughout the flight. military aviation humour - Pilotfriend ! The owner of this website does not guarantee offers on this site, and all offers should be viewed as recommendations only. Members of the U.S. Navy are known to be a pretty sarcastic bunch. An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess" He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket. Its got to be the Air Force because theyre U.S. AF! Jokes Archives - Aviation Humor Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. We were an Air Force family, but our son could not grasp that fact. They throw out a pistol. Louis, I grumbled. SUB sandwiches! Yeah, I got in a lot of trouble for that, the gunner said. I have been telling the same joke for a lot of years, but today I will change it up. 1. Officer: Soldier. Reply: This is a lighthouse your call.. The pilot tries to pull up, but with all their cargo, the plane is too heavy. As part of my Naval Reserve requirements at Emory University Dental School, I attended a talk about proper dental procedures following nuclear warfare. Rodrigues there? Germany's military 'Zeitenwende' is off to a slow start You had tents?, USAF: Birds Do you know where the sensor is located? my coworker asked. What do you call a group of kids who enlists in the military? U.S. Air Force Grounds Hundreds of Jets: Their Tails May Fall Off Air Traffic Control 6. I was cold is not a sufficient reason for being caught in the female barracks. Son, you are going to have to make up your mind about growing up and becoming a pilot. I asked an employee whether they still carried my deodorant. 1. A young customs official watched our entourage in disbelief, "Ma'am" he said, "Do all these children and this luggage belong to you? After an overnight flight to meet my father at his latest military assignment, my mother wearily arrived at Rhein-Main Air Base, in Germany, with my eight siblings and me, all under age 11. Fish Food. Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!, 21. Anecdotes 2. Scan the list below to find some hilarious military one-liners that will make your Navy friend laugh like crazy. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week" The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to his pocket. Upon the Vietnam war's conclusion a lot of money was invested in creating the next class of aircraft. You seem in a good mood., He replied, Im paying a private to do all my worrying for me.. However, one day he came into the room whistling with a smile on his face. Our Teams Favorite Pilot Jokes - AOPA Whats the main mission of the Marine Corps? Dario Leone is an aviation, defense and military writer. Shotgun: Comparison for a First-Time Gun Buyer, What Are The Basic Parts Of Ammunition? Marine: Wait, stop. They sure grow up fast, dont they?. While in Kuwait, shortly before we deployed to Iraq, a major general told our meeting that we should expect to cross into Iraq in less than 24 hours. He then My gunnery sergeant and I were inspecting a Marine training exercise when we spotted a second lieutenant ambling about. Laugh or cringe but please enjoy. As I stepped forward, she jokingly offered me one, but I passed. Please do not leave children or spouses, 14. Last year we shot six and the pilot let us put them all on board. Marine Approved is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associate Program. Because hes a captain in the Air Force. Mother, As the general inspected our troops, he asked some of the Marines which outfit they were serving with. Flight Announcements 4. Military Aviation Humor | Civil Aviation Humor | Life in the Military | Submit a Joke Problem: "Smoke in cabin." Solution: "Aircrew reminded fleet is no-smoking these days." Problem: "Bad smell in cockpit (B-747)." Solution: "Advice crew to wash every day." Problem: "Missile slow to leave rail." Solution: "Use a real missile. It works just like every other seat belt and, if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised, 26. Better Housing, Health Care, Pay and a Call for National Service Needed Share yours with us on our socials Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook and check out military jokes from other Vets, troops, and military support personnel! The Best Aviation Jokes - Ridge Landing Airpark Picking up some unidentifiable gear, I said, I didnt get one of these! "They're all mine. You do know that he could get ill from the bacteria on the toilet. One day you will walk out to your aircraft NOT KNOWING that it is your last flight. Every military branch thinks that theyre the best, the most important, and in their own way the hardest working. 1. 28. Only one. 12. A military aircraft had gear problems on landing, and as the plane was skidding down the tarmac the tower controller asked if they needed assistance. Awesome page, I came out of the US Army in 92. You had tents?" 10. The Army will post guards around the building. The only time you have too much fuel is when youre on fire. Are you sure you followed the recipe?. After a few basic questions, I very gingerly asked, Did you ever kill anyone? Ordered a private to bring back a five-gallon can of dehydrated water (in fact, the sergeant just wanted an empty water can). She also liked her scotch. The Marine insisted that since he was in the aisle seat he would get it for him. Take a look at the military jokes about the U.S. Marine Corps below to find some hilarious quips. 36. 34. 'Never fly in the same cockpit. If you have a small child travelling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. Instructed a private in the mess hall to look for left-handed spatulas You the eighth, the old Marine answered. So, instead, they put me in the Navy since I was a sub-marine. I thought I was on top of my game that day, Comedian Martha Raye was a great supporter of the military and made many trips to Vietnam to entertain the troops. He snapped off a salute and responded, I dont know, sir! Turning to the sergeant, he asked, Gunnery, where is my foxhole? The sailor calls out and says, In boot camp, they taught us to wash our hands after taking a leak. The Marine replies, In our boot camp, they teach us not to piss on our hands.. When the general asked, Which outfit are you in? the Marine replied, Dress blues, sir, with medals!. A pilot is a confused soul who talks about women when he is flying, and about flying when he is with a woman. Military Jokes Military Humor - Strategypage.com The good news: You got a bulls eye. Before my head could swell too much, he added, But it was in somebody elses target..